Apologies… Broken Trust… Repeat…

For those who know me, I believe in acknowledging my wrongdoings and apologising for them. Up until a few days ago I naively allowed certain people into my life, believing that I was doing the right thing – not just for me but also for my family. A number of years ago there were a number of toxic exchanges between myself and this particular person (which I still stand by my opinions at the time), I decided it was time to put them behind me. So I contacted this person and genuinely apologised for my part in these exchanges. They accepted my apology – however, did not apologise or even acknowledge their parts in these past exchanges. I decided not to dwell on this… perhaps I should have…

The months went by without incident… conversations were had… advice was shared… hell there were even a couple of laughs… I had let my guard down… believing some sort of ‘friendship’ or at least some sort of mutual respect had been formed… believing this person was genuine I continued to allow them in… Even though that still small voice was warning me not to… Yes… I know… you would think that after all these years I would have learnt to listen to it… Apparently, I’m a painfully slow learner.

It was very recently bought to my attention that my attempts to heal past wounds actually transformed me into a laughing stock. People who I loved and respected and who I believed loved and respected me in return were all gossiping and laughing behind my back… Of course I felt humiliated and stupid, however, I was told that it was MY fault that this had happened… I should not have contacted this person… I made a fool of myself… I was the embarrassment…

What s funny though is although I tried to do what I believed at the time was the right thing… I was the one that was ridiculed and held responsible for the aftermath… I was held responsible for the actions of this vile and poisonous individual… I am the one who has been left with so much anger and sadness… I am the one who was betrayed…

Beware of the wolf in sheeps clothing…