Opening Up…

Today I made the decision to not be a slave to my mind that never seems to give me respite from the negative thoughts that it seems to obsess over.

I got up and showered… this is a massive improvement from yesterdays attempt (although I eventually did get there)… I got dressed and met my soul sister for our weekly coffee. I almost cancelled because I hated what I saw in the mirror… an ugly woman that’s only good for one thing… I’m sure I don’t need to elaborate on that…

As I left my house my partner called me to ask if I wanted to accompany him on a drive to run some errands for his business… I can’t express how good this made me feel… this amazing man actually wanted to spend the morning with me!! How I’m worthy of that I’ll never know…

My usual coffee date with my soul sister usually lasts about an hour due to our busy schedules however we were almost together for three hours and I’m so grateful that we were. This woman has been my rock for close to six years but today I was finally able to be completely comfortable to introduce her to the real me… the good the bad and the ugly… and you know what… it felt fucking AMAZING!!! I was able to admit that I can be completely irrational about everything. I could confide in her that I spend most of my time in a fantasy world to escape my challenging reality that I just don’t have the strength to face… and you know what there was no judgement, I was so scared that I’d loose my best friend… the woman I love the most… and to be honest I couldn’t handle that. There are honestly no words that I can use to describe the love that I have for this woman… so many times this woman has saved my sanity…

Tonight I had CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) which is a type of group therapy (generally group activities scare the shit out of me… and to be honest I didn’t think I’d get anything out of it) however CBT had become the highlight of my week!! When I arrived home I found my partner and my beautiful step son (ssshhhh he is one of my favourite people in the world) at my house moving my furniture from my bedroom into my lounge room in preparation for carpet cleaning in the morning. I’ve never felt worthy of love however these people truely love me and the feeling is almost suffocating (in every good way possible) my heart feels like its going to burst!!!

It’s time to focus positive and live in the present…

I AM WORTHY OF LOVE!!!