Regulating emotions

‘The thing about BPD is that it makes you feel like a child. Since most of us weren’t allowed to express our emotions when we were young, we have so much trouble regulating them now and it can be embarrassing when we’re not able to deal with them in a restrained manner’. http://instagram.com/borderlinesurvivor

I come across countless inspirational quotes everyday but this one really resonated with me. When I’m triggered I become irrational, angry, at times I can go into a full blown rage, at the time of these what I call episodes, I know that I’m being irrational but I just can’t seem to stop it, and I get so angry at myself, I punish myself through various forms of self harm… starvation (I don’t deserve food)… cutting (to have a release of the pain I’m constantly in)… isolation (I don’t deserve to have people in my life). I feel stupid and embarrassed every time I have an ‘episode’. I push the love that people try to give me away because I don’t believe I deserve it… the crazy thing about it is that I don’t even realise that I’m doing it. But that is what happens when you can’t regulate your emotions.

My triggers are things that I can’t change because the bulk of them are from my past and the ones that aren’t are the actions of other people that again I can’t change and I’m the ONLY person it effects. I’m currently learning how to manage these irrational emotions by learning to be present in the moment not stuck in the past where my triggers lay because it only stunts my growth and I deserve to grow!!